Friday, 22 February 2008

THE END OF THE WORLD


I want to be the one you want
I want to be the one for you
Was it you, was it me, was it us
That walked to the end of the world
I want to be the one you know
I want to be the one you hold
Is it you, is it me, is it us
Who can save the world with our love---------------------------------------------------------------------(I, I dream of autumn leaves
Kicking our feet through autumn leaves
Kicking our feet through autumn leaves)----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------I want to be the one you have
I want to be the one you love
Was it you, was it me, was it us
That touched at the end of the world ?

Thursday, 21 February 2008

MONKEY IN A MAN SUIT


Here I am
Juxtaposed
Between Meaning
And Insignificance
Marooned
On an Island of nothing
A monkey in a man suit
Falling from the tree of perception
Lost in jungle of relative realities
Here I am
Juxtaposed
Between me and you
and you and me
Searching relentlessly
Forced to exist
By the nature of things
My skeleton, my flesh
My skin, my mind
Dragged screaming into the chaos
Here I am
Juxtaposed
Between life
And death
A fly in a web
Helplessly frantic
Victim to the laws of evolution
Somehow compelled
Driven by survival
To try and break free
Here I am
Juxtaposed
Between chaos
And order
Monkey in a man suit
Shot into space
Passenger of perpetual motion
Weightlessly in tears
As Earth turns silently
Everything falls------------------------into place

ON MY HANDS AND KNEES


So life makes sense,
don't make me laugh
Trust is for losers,
everyone let's you down
Try to think in human,
this is what we are
Chaos versus order
It's the universal way
Logic verse emotion
It's an endless sea of pain
Of why I'm here, fuck I'm not sure
My head is paranoid, I see things , I
Don't think in meaning, the word itself is flawed
(broken into endless pieces, tape the edges glue the doors)
Don't think you can, think you can run from here
This is it, if you blink this is what you miss
A simplistic world of complex simplicity
Now whats next? Oh yes, your life is meaningless
Let's stop, right now, am I making any sense?
Hypocrite, this is me and I,
I know myself
I try to try, so my dreams can carry hope
Belief, I know, believe in yourself ,yourself

THE TRADE OFF


Don't fall out from the inside when you see through the lies
And don't feel that this is, that this is your life
Just hold back and focus then OPEN YOUR MIND
If time moves to quickly your life will fragment
You will not find meaning when holding a thread
No solid based reasons of why I exist
There must be some format to quiet this fear
Can you see how this, how this is a sign
That need has will to push truth aside
Still lost in a world of confusion and lies
Where dreams cannot mend whats left of our minds
Denial is futile, just believe in you fears
Dumbing down provides the comforts you need
Assimilation can ease the concious but means
Your missing out something, the thing you most need
Can you see all the beauty around you outside
The world view and meaning, these descriptions of life
Now try and let go and believe just in you
The reasons are reasons thats all they can do
The universe is will that grows and expands
And life is a trade off an exchange made in sand
And all the god's,
all the god's are now dead
And whats left
all the lies that were spread
And guess what
theres only life and then death
And your left, left with nothingness............................................................................................................................................................
gOd dOeS nOT eXIsT

PROXIMITY ALERT


SUCK ME DRY
DRAIN THE BLOOD
FROM MY VEINS
NOW HURT ME
SMASH THE GLASS
TEAR MY SKIN
TRY TO PUSH ME
TEMPT MY ANGER
FIST MY SINS
TASTE ME
MY IRON RED
WILL STAIN YOUR FACE
I CAN'T BUT CAN BELIEVE IT
MAKING COMPLETE SENSE
THIS FREAK BEHAVIOR
SEEMS PERFECTLY NORMAL
THE MORE I WANT IT
THE HARDER IT CUM'S
AND I WANT IT, AND I WANT IT
YOU tHIRST TO HURT ME
I CAN SEE IT IN YOUR EYES
AND I WANT TO HURT YOU
BUT I AM AFRAID OF LETTING GO
I FEEL THE SHADOWS MOVING CLOSER
PUSHING ME, PULLING ME, PUSHING ME
CLOSER AND CLOSER INTO THE DARKNESS
TO A PLACE fROM WHERE I WiLl NoT rETuRN

THORNS


How many times must you hold on
To the nothingness in your life
Like a hummingbird suspended
You hover on the edge
Crying out to something
Stop fucking with my head
HOLD THIS DEEP INSIDE YOUR MIND
I am aware how life
How life it tries to keep you down
I just don't care, i just don't care
As I'm bleeding from my crown
I struggle on, I struggle on
But everydays the same
The crucifix that I help build
Will take my strength away

I CRUCIFY, YOU CRUCIFY, WE CRUCIFY
An empty shell, a meteorite
Falling from the sky
Burning in the atmosphere
It's then you realise
The nothingness that mothered you
Was blinding like the sun
Reflecting light lost galaxies
Worlds that could have been
Focus is what you need to breathe
A breathe of substance to give your soul relief
I filled my life with poisens, empty love and greed
It only masks the pain I must release
If all you want is this
Then drown inside your sorrow
The shadows of your life
Besides you they wil crawl
If you want is this
Then rest your heavy eyes
And listen to the sounds
That echo in your mind
Stay with me-I want you to play with me
Lay with me-I want you to die with me
INTO NOTHINGNESS
UNTIL NOTHING IS LEFT

Wednesday, 20 February 2008

The IF after L ends in E



LIFE
There is no meaning to life
Am I INSANE
If only, if only
Then I would't have to feel
HELPLESS-IRRELEVANT-INSIGNIFICANT
I am but a witness
To all this power without reason
This Universe beyond comprehension
All around us
US
Yet we stare blind
Hiding behind our imaginaiton
Filling the void with reason
To scared to face
REALITY-ETERNITY-INFINITY-MORTALITY
Concepts of humanity
Curb the insanity
Of a limitless reality
Beyond heaven and hell
Though time has meaning
Without life and death
There is no reason, no reason at all
The tallest mountain, the deepest sea
Is something near Eternity
The smallest cell, the stars we see
Is something like Infinity
The darkest thought, new technology
Its nothing revolutionary
So I question our entirity
If nothing is a certainty
And build a new identity
A little evolutionary

DON'T


DON'T... ASK WHY
MY FEELINGS SUBSIDE
IF NOTHING IS-------------------------------- REAL
I WON'T FEEL

DON'T ASK...........WHY

I WON'T CRY
I DENY

ALL REASONS
WHY
IF I CAN'T................. BREATHE
MY FEELINGS----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------LEAVE

SO I EXHALE
YOU, US, MEMORY...................(FAILS)
DON'T ASK
WHY
I WON'T DESPAIR
I DON'T KNOW

I DON'T CARE

OMEGA ALPHA




Loneliness
Solitude
Weep
Cry yourself to sleep
Consume
Condemned
End
Leave it all behind
Innocence
Mesmerised
Transfix
This lullaby
BreAK iT Up
MakE THe EdgES shARp
AnD FeED mE
PieCE bY PiECe
Suicide
Paralysed
Denied
Eternal sleep
Meaningless
Nothingness
Lost inside
Death's shadow
Memories
Umbilical
Realise
I won't forget
THIS DISEASE IT RAPES MY REFLECTION
THE PAST IT HATES MY INTENTION
I WILL LIVE THIS LIFE OF REJECTION
THAT PRECIOUS THING YOU ARE
Confessions
Expressed
Digest
No excuses
Finalised
Compromised
Immaterial
The end is just a dream
Evaluate
Emulate
This gift
A different world I see
BreAK iT Up
MakE THe EdgES shARp
AnD FeED mE
PieCE bY PiECe

AN INSIGNIFICANT BLUE FLASH


In this little world of mine
The backwards view twists my mind
I hear a voice but don't why
Is it me or my self despise?
What is it all for
When the something I have
Means nothing but lies
Yet still wonder why
I hate and paint everthing I do BLUE
Ask my soul
Deep inside
I am out of control
AN INSIGNIFICANT BLUE FLASH
I know where and what I am
Not who I was that is dead and gone
Left behind with all I had
And all I, I'll ever want
I'll slash it through
let the blood run free
Can you hear or is it me
This emptiness is killing me
I keep it all so far away
I am alone a broken haze
Things I feel all I see
Maybe nothing but my fantasy
AN INSIGNIFICANT BLUE FLASH

META-PHYSICAL DIACOTOMY

iNSIdE i aM crYING
tHE ecHo OF tEArs
stAIN My cLOwN FAce
iNsIDE iaM LaUGHiNg
I cANnOT cONTAin
thE JOy NOt disPLaCed
oUTsiDe IaM SeLFisH
I waLLoW iN pAin
aND tHIs iS My fAitH
oUTSidE i aM gODlesS
sPiRitUALly wHoLe
RELigeOUSLy mACeD
INsiDe iAM dYinG
A cANCeRouS gROwtH
oF CHoiCEs i'Ve MAdE
iNSIde IAm liVIng
oN TOP oF A WoRld
oF loVE i haVE mAde
oUTSide I aM diSTanT
whO CAn I sHow
My oNLy TRuE fACe
oUTSidE i aM hUMAn
a vESSel tO WitNeSs
meTA-pHYsiC rEMAiNS

SELF CONFESSIONS, SEX AND LIES

Dirty white eyes
Seething breath
Sexual deviance
Unparalleled highs
Darkness opened wide
Those moments awaken the soul
Mutating, twisting reality
Backwards innerself
Co-existence decides
The depravity drips
Like blood from my lips
And I become..
(Whole)
An extension of mind
I am dead but feel alive
Inbetween worlds collide
So many, many times
Am I alive
Am I alive
Am I alive?
To feel nothing but darkness
Lifeless matter silently feeding
A decaying parasite
Enduring the taste of flesh
But so tempted to dine
I hold back and see myself
Staring from the shadows
Waiting for a moment when I blink
(If only I would)
Like a bullet into sickness
Would I stop, would I..
Realms of disjointed time
Implode like dying atoms
With wings of fire I fall
And I fall..
(Deep)
To deep to remember
My struggle cowers
Naked in defeat
Baring my crown
For one final audience
As darkness rapes the light
I become
Far beyond
Empty memories
Flickering lights
(I am)
What I H8 most

Tuesday, 19 February 2008

POSSIBLY

I can comprehend but won't prescribe
How chaos must be faced and order lost
The infinite embrace of nothingness
The fact that I believe there is no god
But possibly,
I am wrong,
Possibly

I am not the first to see how limited (ltd)
The systems of belief have become
But now it's time to take the transition
To a different state of conciousness
shedding geriatric spiritual skins
But possibly,
I am wrong,
Possibly
I don't care if hell is round the corner
This is my choice and I am not afraid
Because I can see the truth
I can see the reasons why religion
Has such powerful significance
How it displaces meaning
Redirecting the fears of mortality
Escaping logic through a back door called faith
We all need something to believe
It is human nature
To reject those things
We cannot comprehend
So we construct a logic, a system
Controlling truth through conditioning
Then recondition truth until
It's nothing but a distant memory
But possibly,
I am wrong,
Possibly?

A BRIEF WORD WITH MYSELF

Walk away
from your empire of consequence
crumbling around your head
but before you leave
have a nostalgic look around
Focus your one good eye
Realign your inadequate perceptions King
then at least you could rebuild
or let it all just fall apart
Who cares for your empty waste land
You? Tell me do you know?
It could of been this, it should of been that
What, if, why and so on and so on
Awake from your dream one eyed king
Have a brief word with yourself
Before excuses bleed you dry
And dead is all you'll ever be

DON'T BE CLEVER, IT DOESN'T SUIT YOU

It's probably not funny
but it is (sometimes)
I feel worthless
pathetic, weak
a stain on other peoples lifes
The problem, my problem
I don't know (just get over it)
Beauty, love, nature
Chaos, meaning and truth
They stand huddled together
laughing in a knowing way,
whispering in tongues
'we can't pity a fool that foolish'
I shrug
Just another day in the world of being me

MOMENTS

A cold beer
Sunshine
Contemplation
A billion different people I could be
Chance
Chaos
Choice
(Right now I see)
I am a lucky man

IF I STOPPED AND THOUGHT EVERY SECOND WOULD BE A LIFE TIME

I PAUSE
Holding my breathe
I listen
A baby is crying
Sunlight casts a shadow onto the bath
A car
Wind
Me

All these moments

All
Those
Moments


If I stopped and thought
EVERY SECOND WOULD BE A LIFE TIME

RELIEF

I am sitting
on wood and porcelain
I tense my anus
shit squeezes into the toilet
WASTE
If only I could do this
to the memories
I no longer wish to keep

THE END IS TO FINAL

All I have left is your memory
it's mine and it's locked in a cell
guarded by the demons of rejection
in a cell made of denial
even I can't get to see you
All I have left is your memory
like acid through my veins
but in a dream we said goodbye
meeting on the kiss on which we parted
you told me 'you really, really did love me'
All I have left is your memory
time faded, the earth shrank
you where there on my lips
I wouldn't/couldn't stop kissing you
the universe almost collapsed, I woke
All I have left is your memory
would you recognise yourself
my prisoner, mine (mine)
One day I may free you
only if the guards fall asleep
All I have left is your memory
waiting to be hanged
but I like knowing your there
so you live, for now
my secret inner voice

UNTITLED SOLITUDE

I listen, I hear
through walls
muffled murmers
someone elses life
the life of a family
It scares me
because maybe
it's a sound
I may never call my own
A lonely man
sits and writes
'comfort' he thinks
this will comfort me

STRANGER

I write
you read
we are one
on a journey
like time travellers
closing the gap
to a distant universe
I write
you read
do I have a point
No
I only wanted to say
'Hello'

Monday, 18 February 2008

THE LEGACY

I'm in love with the pain of the city.
Her loneliness dances before me begging to be seen,
for she can no longer bare to look at herself.
The short fused modern solutions can no longer hold sway.
Her children are rotting with infection brought on by a plague of apathy.
Her gilded statues once arrogant with pride
are now choking on the fumes of a cities misery.
The urban artist's tag the skyline with a territorial pissing.
Doe eyed taxpayers huddle empty and lost in fast food queue's like junkies.
"Go large to get an inconveniently convenient unhappy meal,
free with every soul" an ad whispers.
Yet another mainline fix to an inter (city) net.
The cleavage induced short skirt blur of lads mag slag.
The retro metro rebel, immaculately imperfect, I-Stepping around his I-universe.
All floating on plasticated, fabricated, pixelated rhythms.
Mobile beats, bass in your seats, back of the bus, bruv.
The melodies of contemporary dysentery sound tracking your life.
Truth gasp's at the wantonly gyrating ism of capital-jism
and the ease in which it fucks the social ovulating greed.
Do empty promises leave a nasty stain where you were wooed
by the pillow talk of the new God?
Your isolation is in violation of the code on human existence
and in haste you waste away your grains of sand.
No quick fix can mend your fears my dears, we are living in a fantasy.
Sub-urban tears rain down on you each day
and the window of time eats you from the inside out
with a relentless, cancerous hunger.
ATTENTION: A non-military coo propaganda warning-
'Please check your food and water as it has been infused
with a digitally enriched anti-impressive mis-information depressive
and beware of contamination or you will vanish in this illusion'.
The numbed millennium ape looks on indifferently, just another war on terror,
the remote will remain in control, flicking from one lie to another.
All the while leaders of the free world peer down from their ivory tower.
They stare at us, they glare through us, trying to intimidate us
with the anger of an inner city kid.
But who is scared of who?
They look but cannot see, they listen but cannot hear but boy they can talk.
Verbalizing promises for new and improved, free radical, age reducing social suicide.
Yet another human traffic jam man, wearing your patience thin.
Information congestion clogging the instinct highways.
Everything must happen now, now, now, right fucking now.
Prime time oppression, nicotine obsession, tabloid infestation.
Do you feel dirty and used, spiritually abused, morally confused?
Plugged into a prescribed nation on manic vacation?
D.I.Y incubation and object fixation sets us adrift in the here and now and the whatever.
Gasoline Vaseline lubes the sodomy of a social lobotomy.
Do we have autonomy with no hidden charges and an apr of 0% until 2012.
Of course, don't pay now pay later, forever and ever and ever.
I'm in love with the pain of the city.
Her loneliness dances before me begging to be seen,
for she can no longer bare to look at herself, anymore.

AS A MATTER OF QUESTION

What is fear?
Is it a distorted perception of the unknown?
Of what are we afraid, the lack of control?
We are not and may never but believe we are,
does this ignite confusion?
Does this feed the flames of our fears?
Is the fire of modern truth fuelled by lies
in this world of infinite unknowns?
Do these flames not rage out of control (seemingly unstoppable)
forcing us further away from ourselves?
Should we accept this murder of the senses, this raping of instinct?
Can we not just throw caution to the wind
when faced with a universe of what, if, why's?
To understand everything, to know all reason,
what point would life have after then?
Without out challenges, without the unknown,
without facing fearhow do we grow, become stronger?
Is it not the never ending cycle that we must embrace
Significant insignificance, irrelevant relevance,
why do we run away from this concept?
Could it not be a beautiful realisation that through our humility
when we accept that meaning is meaningless,
everything becomes meaningful?
So to what end do our journeys lead?
Back to the beginning, into nothing or even up towards heaven?
Does focusing on a destination hold any purpose
when walking our many paths?
Does belief in God make us forget that in us
all that is, already is, and has always been?
Are we not part of this everything, symbiotic equal partner to all life?
Is looking for the prize blinding, buying an instant fix numbing?
Through being at one with the present
could we not know all we need to know?
Do you even know what you believe?
Should you even care when opinion is merely relative?
Where are these absolutes, these constants promised by science?
Where is this kingdom of heaven?
Is it possible to be sure of anything?
In the end we make a choice that is right for us, but does it matter?
Should we embrace the here and now if this is all we have?
Or bury ourselves in past and future tenses?
Can we all find this awareness of inner peace if we seek without seeking?
Perhaps, perhaps not, maybe only your journey will unlock the door to the prison of meaning?Where words fail does instinct remain?
And on the edge of ruin are we most humble?
Is it in our broken state where we can be free enough to see?
Do we have to destroy ourselves in order to truly let go?
Maybe you cannot find for what you look when you are looking?
So maybe, but only maybe, must you be lost on order to be found?
Do these questions have a place in your thoughts?
Who am I to know?
Do the same questions not burn through me also?
Who are you to know?
Can order find it's own place through this chaos?
Who are we to know?
In the end, is it not you, who is me, who is us, who is them?I
n the end, is it not now, that was then, that is forever?

MOVEMENT IN SILENCE

Step by step takes me nearer
Or further away whatever's closer
With the world on my shoulders
Somehow I am growing stronger
How, why, I cannot say
This is an unnamed place
Where I have no face
I am everything
Now is then beginning
Catch my life in the moment
With each breath I am nothing
But all around in the essence
Of life, it was always there
Now I must undeclare
What I have perceived
In my design
This is still just a process
not a meta-morphis
All I can do is acknowledge
The truth I seek cannot be spoken
Words , symbols, a million tales
Cannot convey what is real
Nothing and everything
Become as one

SECRET US

Sometimes I forget, for a while
For a while , I even forgot
It is only this way, so when I remember
I really remember

There is only this
sharp focus with sickening clarity
a billion mega pixels
with only one intention

'I hate you, you sick fuck'
this is all I can hear
through the distortion
and screaming white noise

I am staring through myself
at myself, inside and out
utterly consumed, utter anihilation
vibrating my reason senseless

The Violence is perfect
and if you could see it
the beauty would take your breath away
and not give it back

A tiny speck of light in infinite darkness
seperates me from unspeakable purity
the kind morality keeps in a prison
of magnificent lies and poetic deciet

If black is right and white is wrong
the greyness of civilisation
is just static on your tv
in equal measures of chaos

This much detail destroys my logic
destruction claims itself the new king
these are only traces and outlines
of the person I forgot to forget

Reborn, my new skin breathes
Sucking in dead cells, memories and hope
Who am I, I am you
if so then who are we

Don't be afraid, I will keep your secret
You sick twisted fuck
Only you know, only we know
Our secret us

WE 2 R STARDUST

It doesn't (?) matter
things come and go
in and out of this nothing
like a silent breeze
of no real consequence.

Why should I care
there is no real me anyhow
pretty tales and transparent truths
can only decorate the elaborate hoax of my existance
Am I am, merely metaphor.

To hold on would...

Only lend fuel to an already raging fire
that burns away each moment (past, present and future)
with a mocking murderous fury

(If) I am the sum of my partswhat should I have to show for it?
a). Scribbles on scraps
b).Forgotten rants
c).Memories and ash
These blurred details of an incoherent fool
are lost (comfortably) in my own shadow.

In my imaginationI am everything I could be (and more)
but sadly, this is where things
like dying stars and nebulas
live, die and fade
In and out of focus
so eternally in and out of focus
that on one infintesimal day
there will be nothing left to see
but dust...
just dust...

SINE WAVES

A tone----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------An endless tone

Ringing endlessly
Beautiful yet violent and violently beautiful
This endlessly endless tone resonates eternally in my ears
Awakening nightmares and fears,
Singing too silence and tears
A lullaby of life, a melody too death


This tone in my head, this tone in my ears
Are the words of the Alpha, the voice of Omega
Ringing endlessly and endlessly and...

Gently shaking me, vibrating the fabric of space time
Spinning me knowingly into a emotionless blur of consciousness

This tone------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------this endless tone


UNKNOWN ERROR

This is perfect
Stuck in an office
No where to go
My design, my own design
Laying on the foam unintended
For this kind of self loathing

Oddly enough, I am happy here
Don’t feel like a stain, if you know what I mean
Perfectly at odds in a composition of choice
This tramp state scenario, showing me the clarity I seek
If I could explain, then maybe I could bring world peace
If you know what I mean
So my Miss World statements lead me to think
If predictive text tells me the word (world) has a capital W
What about god? Shouldn’t it have a capital G?
Whoops, might have stumbled onto something here
Let’s keep it between you and me, don’t want to upset the ex-pats
If you know what I mean

Here we are, on a tangent of metaphoric irrelevance
Blah, blah, blah until one of use loses interest
Hopefully it’s me, so let’s conclude
Here I am, listening to myself, beer in hand
No where to go, lost on a rock floating in space
Strangely enough, feeling perfectly at peace
With an annoyingly persistent grin


Sleep well, clown faced friend

I MUST MAKE A CONFESSION

The trouble with being troubled is it’s very, very troubling
Always in a state of unnecessary worrying
What have I too show, the years they come and go
The have, the could, the should have been,
A constant silent mumbling

I know I’ve drifted like a cloud, my head up in the sky
Floating round the atmosphere, I’ve never really tried
Potential left just simmering the fear to act still lingering
Juxtaposed stupidity/intelligent insanity

Let’s celebrate this cruiser, pathetic half baked loser
What is he waiting for? His tomorrow never comes
Tie the bastard down (I say) and beat him till he’s numb
I think he wants to die a fool, this victim who succumbs

Shall I hold your hand my son, my dear, as if I were your Daddy?
I know that makes you sad to hear, that’s emptiness, my laddy
Excuses got you where your not and now you’re undercover
PLEASE get a GRIP upon YOUR LIFE or stay this way FOREVER.

This boy I know, this victim, his mind is always drifting
A constant state of statelessness, unstable like the ocean
This maniac, this weirdo, this freakazoid volcano
May never, never actualise a life that could define him

So my advice to you (I grin) is steer away from booze like gin
A vice grips tight with all its might, it doesn’t give you in
Those chemical affairs you have just strip you of your senses
The man you are may bury you,
All rotten
Bloated
Worthless

A LONG TIME AGO...

Blink, blink
A fleeting glimpse
Peripheral vision going AWOL
All misleading me with illusion
Is she the one? Is she the one??

The age old games of singleton
Provide private jokes for the mind
Informing the senses of its dominance
‘You’re far to trusting’ it says scathingly
The Empire fires the death star
And a peaceful planet is destroyed

I am glad my inside is on my inside
Not of course on the outside
Otherwise I’d be dead
My silly little idiosyncrasies
Pathetic lust, desire and fear
Make me far, far too human

So I dream that in some galaxy far, far away
I will find the love of my life
No longer chasing illusions of grandeur
Or dusting crops on Tattooine
But alas, I am no Jedi

Ultimately the glitch of technology
Poor mans champagne and voyeurism
Leave a strange but comforting taste
All the while the me, in the third person
Pretends not to be looking for you know who

Thus, the world stays beautiful, hope endures
And my insides stay on the inside
Roaming the galaxy, slightly at odds with itself
Waiting to give myself to the one
Who can see through it all
And bring balance to the force

DIRTY LITTLE SECRET

When the world away is slipping away
Everything you know is distorted
Perception is disjointed and fragmented
And you are a blur, trapped in a frozen waste land

How can you crawl away from this isolation?
When your strength is sucked out of you like blood from a stone
Inaudible voices offer you advice or criticise even the way you breathe
And all the while you feel like a Christ nailed to a cross

What can anyone say, what do you want to hear
If you’re stuck in this hole and this is all you know
Why leave when despite everything you actually feel at home
This after all, is what you deserve isn’t it?

Look back up into the abyss you are falling through
And I think if you hold your gaze just long enough
You will see a distant speck of light, and that is your secret hope
Waiting in silence, locked away like a dirty little secret

So there is a part of you that cannot stand feeling this way
A part of you transparently terrified, alone, isolated and mute
Whilst you’re self hatred is making friends with the wrong people
You become like a moth to a flame, flies feasting on shit

Some of us don’t know how to save ourselves, let alone anyone else
So we get used to the distortion and unfathomable emptiness
Laughing insanely, desperately proud of the insanity
Which is all we think we have to protect us from us

Self destruction is so passé and self pity is self indulgent
Love seems an unreachable series of sitcom style hallmark moments
So instead your fear becomes order and your hope becomes chaos
Just let go and imagine you could have everything you ever wanted

This is your life, not mine, and no miracle cure can save you
Are you hoping someone won’t notice but still wishing they did
Expression for my sake is my therapy, its release my focus
And the ups and down, the highs and lows pull me be back from the edge

I myself have become the muse

ANTI-HEROES

In my mind I see them, gloriously awash with exaggeration
Technicolor saviours, larger than life greater than death
Very real figments brought to life by imagination of childlike fragmentation
And there was a time when if I believed I believed, I’d believe I could fly

So through pubescent adolescence my powers have lessened
Till I’ve become nothing more than nostalgic remembrance
Naive or prophetic it’s dismissed as eccentric
Non believers deny it’s the fight for true justice

My delusion feeds confusion, while my innocence lays dead
Exposing limitations of these secret supermen
They cannot save anyone unless they saved themselves
So costumes make new friends with skeletons and moths

Will I ever, ever, ever land this never, never, never man
Psychological diversions could mutate into perversion
Should a hero be afraid of supernatural dysfunction?
The darkness of my human suit awakes me from my reason

They fade into some archive, these heroes up for sale
Saving people in past tenses, defined by there own hell
Imagining scenarios the ones that haunt our dreams
When the worst things that could happen a hero proves his will

Thwack, Kapow, thadoom, Kaboom
Legends super human are graphically renewed
But no one that I’ve met bends steel or climbs up walls
The hero of the human is will to act, that’s all

There are people who are heroes, they do what must be done
Whatever cost they’ll pay the price if death is what’s beyond,
Sense of duty, life perspective, they’re the ones that are protectors
The act itself reminds us that this something lives within us

Our metaphor screen saviour has been reborn by celluloid
Into nothing more than comic strips, cheap toys but something more
So clinically and digitally, synthetically so cynically
The hero that’s within us is not literally just literary

So back to the beginning and I am just what I am
Yes, yes you’re just guessing, I’m a boy stuck in a man
Old enough to know much better, but this fool don’t give a damn
Supermen to me aren’t fiction they are hope and love and spam